Wang Leehom's ex-wife Li Jinglei posted a message to expose Wang Leehom's private life and his grievances. Wang's father came forward to protect his son. Li Jinglei beat him one by one and issued an ultimatum to Leehom's "public apology at 3 pm this afternoon." "The five steps to divorce have come this time!" Lin Cuifen, a member of the Media Public Affairs Committee of the Advisory Psychologist Association, said that it is not advisable for parents to intervene in divorce. At present, the man needs someone to help him understand. What really makes the woman unbalanced is the long-term misunderstanding and being "swallowed"; the strong imbalance in the woman's heart also requires professional help.
Lin Cuifen said that the two people are going to divorce, and there are five ideal steps. First of all, you must be prepared mentally, which includes independence and balance in your mind. If you are prepared well, your heart will be less affected when you leave your marriage. Li Jinglei's articles can find that she has suffered deep grievances and misunderstandings, deeply feeling imbalanced and inconsistent. As a modern woman with strong abilities, she may have begun to accumulate the uncomfortable feeling of being suppressed as early as when she was asked to sign a pre-marital agreement.
The second step is to reduce the impact on the child. Lin Cuifen said that children are very sensitive to family atmosphere, parents' movements, and parents' unemotional flows. When parents want to separate, children will also have a high degree of anxiety about separation. Therefore, when divorce, you should consider how to explain it to your child, and when you are in a different direction, consider the child's status, and think about the future ways for parents to participate in their children's growth. If the two parties are in a bad relationship, are strangers, and the king does not see the king, it will also have a great impact on the child's physical and mental health.
The third step, when the divorce begins, the two parties should not interfere. Lin Cuifen said that the less friends and family are involved, the better, because no one can really know the types of people who are in contact with each other. The fourth step is the discussion and processing of financial distribution, and the final fifth step is the completion of the legal process.
Lin Cuifen said that we can see this incident. We took all the above five steps back and left the marriage, but we found that we were still stuck in the psychological preparation. If you observe many cases of past assistance, you will find that after divorce, the party who is not prepared well has something to say. At this time, if the other party’s idea is “You should digest it yourself, I have no opinion on it”, this will hurt people and may more arouse the other party’s feelings and aggravate the other party’s imbalance.
Lin Cuifen said that the man needs empathetic friends to help him truly understand the woman, so that it is possible to give the other party an appropriate response in three aspects: quality, psychology, and emotion. Now the man proposes practical conditions such as a house for self-protection, but the money or house is not what the woman cares about, but it is just the man's self-projection. What the woman cares about is the grievances that he is dirty and not understood, so putting forward this condition will only make the negative recoil stronger and stronger.
"If what is said and done will inspire the other party to be more emotional, it is going in the wrong direction." Lin Cuifen said that this is the simplest judgment standard.
What should I do to stop or even resolve the negative emotions? Lin Cuifen said that the pain party needs the other party to understand their pain. Only by truly understanding, empathy, and accepting the points that the other party cares about can it be resolved. If you continue to ignore, escape, and refuse to understand, this will usually lead to greater consequences for both parties, because "the feeling of grievance is very strong and difficult to reduce."
Lin Cuifen said that the feelings of imbalance and sadness need to be resolved, otherwise there will be a substantial loss for both physical and mental health, such as sleep disorders and forced negative thinking and uncontrollable. If the man wants to apologize today, it would be better if he said "I'm sorry". He also needs to know what the meaning of apology is. Only by understanding the other party's feelings and feelings will it be in place.