Should I get caught in a "unequal relationship" in marriage and have children? Three angles help you revisit yourself!

In love, a relationship that is not suitable is useless even if it is given more; but if you have entered marriage, the situation will be even more complicated.

"A man is very long, how can I continue to love a man who never looks back at her or even takes her efforts for granted?"

{999 99} This is a real story shared by Dr. Cai Jiafen once shared with his face fans. L dated Prince Baima, whom he admired during his childhood, but during the relationship, he rarely felt his boyfriend's attention and concern for her.

She loves her boyfriend very much, always convinces herself to accept her indifference for years on the grounds that she is focusing on her ideals and work; she even believes that the other party doesn't care about her because she doesn't do much.

This year's Lover Festival, L proposed to break up with her boyfriend who had been dating for many years while preparing for a dinner for each other. Although her parents were puzzled by her decision and thought that the two of them had a stable relationship, why didn’t they get married but break up? I even thought L's decision was ridiculous.

But L was very clear that this path of constant sacrifice for love was already enough to say goodbye to this unequal love and re-bearing his own life.

After this article was published, some girls asked, "If you are in a non-equality relationship, but you really realize this after marriage or even after having children, what should you do?"

Shouldn't you say goodbye? Three angles to examine yourself Cai Jiafen said that marriage relationships are far more complicated than love relationships; after having children, you have to consider more than love. That's why she kept emphasizing: "Pretending marriage carefully" (not "negating marriage")!

There is no way to see in life. Many things have to be experienced before they know the joys and sorrows; even she herself has been slapped in an unequal marriage, and finally she finally ended up losing her. To this end, she made three sincere suggestions to women who are incompatible with marriage and have no results:

1. First clarify "What do you want?"

Cai Jiafen's previous face saw a post online. The girl complained that she wanted to live in a confinement center for 10,000 a day, but her husband thought it was really expensive, so she hoped that she would stay for 20 days, and asked her confinement nanny to sit for 20 days after she got home. But the girl thought it was hard to have a baby, and she didn't want to spend 30 days in the month, and her husband's behavior made her feel very upset.

From this example, although I don’t know what the economic conditions are at home, my husband’s idea of spending about 250,000 yuan to ask for a confinement nanny at home for 20 days and 20 days a day (the original PO wanted to spend 300,000 yuan directly to stay in the middle of the month). From economic considerations, it is indeed a burden for ordinary families.

From a practical perspective, Mr.'s considerations have been calculated to be comprehensive, but if Mr. expresses this, his attitude is a light and casual attitude, which may make his wife feel disappointed.

So, when we encounter problems with marriage relationships, what we need to clear is: Girl, what do you want to get from the relationship? What you want is the other party to use money to express his cherishment, or in fact, what you care about is not his expenses, but whether he values this?

If you know what you care about, you might as well let him know that you mind his attitude. If he could wear a shirt for Xin Li, who gave birth to a child, and rolled up his sleeves to accompany and take care of the child together, would it be not a matter of dispute whether he spent 300,000 yuan in the middle of the month?

2. Scheme your bottom line

If you already know what you want, but it will not work to communicate with the other party? If you are in a bad mood after the production process, you are extremely eager for his concern. If he is buried in a video game or a mobile phone after returning home, and ignores your mood, then you may need to set a bottom line for yourself.

Cai Jiafen shared that her two babies had bloated body and various improperity after childbirth, which made her depression very serious; it was also at that time that she slowly realized that she had not been on the same road as her child's father.

"So, when I knew the reality, I set up a stop for myself. Although the handling was not mature at that time, I repeatedly overwhelmed him with unrestrained opportunities and suffered heavy bitter fruits. But during that process of breaking up and getting back together, I slowly set my bottom line and realized what I wanted in my marriage. , In the end, I confirmed that I had to leave this unequal relationship in order to be reborn.

Later, when I was with my uncle, my bottom line was very clear. I clearly let him know that some things can be tolerated if they are fully communicated; but some things involving my bottom line, if they are repeatedly stepped on the line, then I would rather let go of this part of the relationship. .

Because I made the bottom line very clear, and the uncle is a person who respects his companion very much, so when we later met, we would quarrel and fight, but there would be no major problems, and there would be no situation that would happen if anyone had to bear it again and again.

Later, when I was raising the third child with the uncle, I was very strange that I was Although I was not as young as the eldest and second child, my entire pregnancy was very good and I had no postpartum depression after giving birth.

It was only then that I realized that when I interact with each other in a suitable way, my body and mind could be kept at the best state. "

3. Maintaining a certain ability to survive

This is very important! Many women return to their families after giving birth, and there is nothing wrong with it, nor do they want to deny the value of the family advocate.

Cai Jiafen emphasized that even if women return to their families, they should not stop learning; they can use the empty files that bring children to enhance their abilities through the Internet or various methods.. "I know it's very tired to take children and be a family, but if you stop growing for this reason, then once your marriage encounters problems and cannot continue, you will lose the opportunity to leave."

"The ability to survive can make you let go when you meet unsuitable people."

Cai Jiafen pointed out that when she woke up and bravely separated from her ex-husband, and even later competed for her child's supervision. In addition to being firm in mind and being dedicated to her, what she cannot deny is that having an economic foundation for raising children is also one of the reasons.

You don't need family and wealth to bring your children around you, but you need to have the basic ability to have the confidence to survive and your children when one day decides to leave.

Cai Jiafen said that if you are in a bad relationship in your marriage and cannot find a way to leave, it is recommended that you take these three points to heart. On the one hand, you should clarify what you want, on the other hand, find out and plan clearly, and then slowly regain the habit of learning and growth, and don’t give up the opportunity to join the world!

When everything is ready, I believe your vision will be different; by then, you may no longer be a woman who is willing to slap in the non-compliance.

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