Yuan Qingyi and Zhang Zhilin have been married for 18 years and are still as sweet as before. It can be said that everyone's dream. She said more bluntly, "I am very independent, so independent that I rarely use my own money." At first hearing, she would think that she means spending her husband's money without any handicap. So if women spend their husband's money, what economic independence should they talk about?
In fact, this paragraph means that only when a woman has enough real money to get the foundation for her husband’s money. After all, Yuan Qingye and Zhang Zhilin’s image of “strong and weak women” has long been well known. Moreover, the secret of their marriage is not about who controls economy and who is independent of economy, but about the close relationship that is appropriate to rely on!
{9The suitability depends on the other party's thoughts. When the media asked Zhang Zhilin, "Do you mind my wife buying bags all the time?" Unexpectedly, he replied with a wonderful saying: "No, the reason is with her, I choose her." He explained that he likes buying cars very much, so his wife loves buying bags. "It's like I am the same as the car myself, I took the car key, and I have watched the next one."
Zhang Zhilin can be tolerant and support his wife in buying bags with empathy. On the contrary, Yuan Qingyao was the same. In 2012, they had a son but had not bought a house. At that time, Zhang Zhilin said that the price of the house was too expensive and it was not cost-effective to buy it. His wife did not require that he must buy a house after marriage. It is hard to blame Zhang Zhilin for buying a sports car with confidence. In marriage, there is first a consultation, and then it will come with it. If there is less contemplation and understanding between husband and wife, then dependence will become a kind of burden. Yuan Yingye and Zhang Zhilin not only understand each other's needs, but also stand alone in the other's position.
A sentence from Yuan Qingzhi has inspired modern people to think differently about "independence". We think that "self-sufficient" is the most powerful state in terms of material and psychological aspects. Surprisingly, American psychologist Robert. F. Bernstein, Mali. A. Langgulande does not fully agree that they have studied the field of treatment and diagnosis for several years and found that if people strike a balance between dependence and independence, they can have the best secret relationship.
The key point is coming, how do you calculate the "just good debt"? Why do so many people feel unhappy after marriage? Some couples make dependency a fight like a power struggle, and the over-responsive party looks like a control freak or a habitual distant party makes people feel insecure. According to the book "Relationship: Appropriateness Lets Get Closer", the psychology professor divides the relationship between people into the following three types:
1. Appropriateness
can ask for help without feeling incompetent, establish contact with others, but will not lose yourself in the process. Just like Yuan Qingyi, she bought a bag herself, but she also accepted gifts from her husband. She gave up her long-term acting job in China for her family and stayed in Hong Kong to take care of her son, but she could still confidently say to the lens, "I am very independent."
2. Overly relied on
, escape from herself by relying on others. And it may be that the mother who cannot live in himself, the person who is very strict with himself, and the horrible lover may all be of this type, but the expression method is slightly different.
Daughty type: This type of person will start an immature model, always express his fragility, and use his child's behavior to maintain relationships with others.
Control type: This type of person will start the threat mode, the most typical one is "If you leave me, I will die for you."
Hidden type: This type of person will start the trick mode, through illness and fabricated experience, people will not know how to stay with him.
Clash type: This type of person has all three of the above. They are good at changing and repetitive. When they are too dependent, they will show childishness or control behavior, and when they are very independent, they will have hidden characteristics.
3. Not relying on others (obstructive type of separation)
They firmly believe that nothing can be done by themselves, and they think that "no one cares about themselves and they are not worthy of being loved", which leads to them refusing to avoid establishing close relationships with others physically or mentally. Most of them also have the following four ways of expressing themselves.
Decompression: This type of person will have serious social anxiety and only want to come with a few friends who think they are "safe".
Anger type: This kind of person makes people feel difficult because they show a lot of suspicion, bias, and love, and they evade the group through their anger.
Self-like: This kind of person will seem to be more harmful, beautiful and smarter than others. Because it is necessary to suppress the inner wound, it creates a sense of self-advantage and rationalizes the behavior of alienation.
Purity intercourse: This kind of person cannot tell that he is a estranged person because he will have a lot of friends, but the relationship is only limited to the dragonfly's water. Only when you really need to get in-depth interactions will you find that you cannot go further.
Of course, international relationships contain complex emotional and environmental factors, which is also the reason why marriage is difficult to do, and it does not necessarily mean that it is best to be the best when it comes to relationships. However, people who are frustrated in relationships can still refer to which type they and their partner are, and then use a method that the other party can accept, and change it bit by bit. I believe that when the two people get closer and closer to the appropriate dependence, their relationship will get better and better. "Going with you until old" can also be realized romance!